::I just needed to say it
12:29 p.m. - 2004-08-23
I don't know how I could have let things get this bad and not even have known about it. I'd like to just call it a lesson learned. But I think that's being a little too nice.
Somehow I've let my bank account become severely overdrawn. When I say severely, I mean severely. I don't know how long it's going to take me to get myself out of this hole, but I know it isn't going to be in time.
I'm to the point where I don't think I can handle it by myself anymore. Not this time. But with the fam in such dire financial times as well, I don't want to burden them with my stupidity. I know they can't afford to help me, and I don't want to make life any worse for them. Dad's got a new job he started today, so hopefully things will be better soon. But with everything right now...it's just too much.
I feel like I'm falling apart. Maybe I am.
I just don't know what to do. I could call the grandpa who hasn't lifted a finger to help the poorest grandkid get an education since I graduated high school...but I'm afraid. I wouldn't know what to say to him. And I've never begged before. And Lord knows if he did help, everyone and their dog would know about it in five seconds flat. I don't need to do that to my family either.
And I'd look elsewhere, but I think I've run out of elsewheres to look. I couldn't accept help from anyone without feeling supremely guilty about it. And I wouldn't ask anyway. I just...I don't know what to do is all.
I'm sorry to have brought the world down with me on this entry. I just needed to get it out.
I'll figure it out somehow.
